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Unholy Smut |  |
Every year, sometime in the winter, many hundreds of people in New Zealand celebrate National Nude Day. Most of the celebrating occurs in Dunedin. Anywhere in New Zealand, though, it's not hard to find naked people on the day. Anywhere except for dirty old Gore, the (latent) homosexual capital of New Zealand. [snigger]
Why winter? Marc Ellis, the dude who invented NND, said that the cold weather is meant to be an equaliser for men, so it won't be just a horse and donkey show. It suits me fine. It just means that it's the attractive and physically active people are the ones most likely to go out naked. Woo-hoo!
What about the police? So long as you're properly naked (like the cast of the Hair musical), the police are unlikely to bother you. They'll probably be busy making more videos of themselves doing naked stunts for Sportscafe's Nude Day video competition or doing important things like chasing criminals and saving lives and stuff. They won't threaten to break your fingera and they won't force you to take drugs. That sort of thing only happens to people like Terri Webb in brutal and oppressive states like the U.S.A.
Just go out and do what you normally would do but do it naked. You'll be surprised how many people will be amused and even delighted to see you.
I took a six minute, round-about jog to a service station that was only two minutes away and bought some milk. The staff were pleased to see me naked even before I informed them it was National Nude Day. The road was jammed with Hundreds of pamused eople on their way to the polling booths. Damn I wish I had someone with a camera along with me.
I didn't feel brave enough to go to the poll booths naked. The poll station was at a school and might've been left-over children there. Ewwww! They're worse than head pigeons!
Anyway, a Press article mentioned a guy (not me) walking naked along High Street followed by someone with a video camera. "The police took no action." Yay! That's the kind of police we like!
I completely missed that, thinking NND would be in July. Bummer!
I celebrated this National Nude Day big time – Two hours naked in the city with no unwanted police attention. Lots and lots of people were really happy to see me, including the hot reporter babe who told me she enjoyed watching me shower at the fountain.
The first thing I did was to go out to the service station and buy some milk, completely naked of course. As to be expected, the staff and customers were pleasantly amused. To save space, I won't bother mentioning in the following text that I was naked when I did whatever I did at the time. I was naked though all of it.
Being encouraged by the High Street streaker of NND 2002, I decided to go to town. I called up a nice friendly taxi service (First Direct, of course!) and asked for a driver who didn't mind a naked passenger. I got one in no time and he was great fun to chat to on the way.
I visited the Inspirations gift shop on High Street (Oooh! shiny things!). The operator was amused enough that he wants me to tell him when the next NND is in advance so he can encourage more people to visit his shop while naked. Good man!
Time for a coffee and a sandwich! The staff at the C1 Café were really cool with me. I'll definitely be eating there more often. A fellow customer commended me for my nakedness and took a few photos with the camera I carried in a satchel.
The hot babe (one of the yummy C1 staff) will be uncensored when I get permission from
her to have a photo that includes her plastered all over the Net.
I walked down to polytech just so I could say I've been there naked, when walked back up High Street on the other side. I visited Good Things, where I buy most of my smelly cheeses and amused the friendly guy at the counter. Then I posed for a Press photographer (Damn, I'd love to get a hold of any newspaper articles featuring me on NND!). I went into Cosmic Corner (Oooh! More shiny things!) and, well, it's no surprise they were all delighted to see me naked, hehehe.
I decided to head off to the Square. On the way, I had a great chat with a friendly construction worker at what used to be the Hallensteins building. Further up on High Street I met the only really negative reaction I had all day, from a guy in I'm sure was a latent homosexual (all homophobes are latent homosexuals, BTW). Well, then! I'll find someone else to hold my camera for me.
At the Cathedral Square, I met a charming young woman running a fundraising stall for the Royal Life Saving Society. She delighted to see me and we chatted about my adventure so far. I gave her a tenner for the fundraising thing to make us both extra comfortable about me being naked in the Square. She took this photo for me.
I would've liked to be directly in front of the cathedral, but there was a public speaker
doing his thing and I didn't feel like invading his (extended) personal space. Maybe next
year I'll be bolder and give the speaker something to talk about. Anyway, being naked in
the Square is something everyone should do at least once in their lifetime!
I walked around the open shopping malls and down the Strip. Across the river is
Christchurch's central police station. I wonder hay many of the cops were naked in that
building, hehehe.
Yeah, I know – I'm sucky at posing.
On Oxford Terrace, I met a very odd man walking his inadequate dog. He stopped and alternated between looking at me and looking down at the screen of his mobile phone, both while constantly fiddling with its buttons and trying to engage me in a half-way friendly but very strange conversation. I thought at first he was trying to call the police and have me stay around, but on second thoughts I think he was just sending an SMS message to a friend. I had more fun places to go. I continued though Hagley Park.
In Hagley Park, I amused a fair few people and posed for several photos (though none with my camera, unfortunately). I walked all the way along Riccarton Road stopping to shower in the Shand Crescent fountain. When I got out, I was interviewed by a hot babe (a CANTA reporter) who said she really enjoyed watching me shower in the fountain. Wha-haaaay! It makes me feel good when a woman has a good healthy perv at my wet, naked body. None of this male-nudity-equals-oppression-of-women angst. I'll be keen to invite her along for the next Nude day.
I walked through Ilam University and the Student Caf%eacute; a couple of times. There was much loud cheering. On the way home, I met with an incredibly desirable female friend of mine who demanded to be hugged by a naked man on the street. Hehehe.
Closer to home I encountered an unnecessarily ugly and corpulent old man who stopped me and told me I can't walk around with no clothes on (but I'm supposed to be kept standing in the street, naked, by a man who doesn't want to see me naked?). I didn't bother trying to argue with him much. Many hundreds of people were really pleased to see me naked. I doubt anyone was pleased to see him that day, clothed or not,
National Nude Day was great fun! I strongly recommend it to anyone, especially if they're good looking and unlikely to be mistaken for some sort of sex predator. (hint: Grow your hair long, get some exercise and don't wear shoes! No, I'm not biased. Really!)
Celebrate National Nude Day next year, or earlier if you feel like it. Seriously, it's a waste of a life if you don't do it!
Seriously, naked men are cool! Well, the good-looking ones are.
